Learning to Let Go
by Foulds
Summary: Anakin Skywalker became more powerful than any Jedi. He learnt to stop people from dying. As Darth Vader, he had the power to control the Galaxy. But at what cost? Post Episode III vignette.


Author's Note; Post Episode III. No specific spoilers, but Padmé's general fate is referred to. This is a single chapter story.

Disclaimer; Star Wars belongs to Lucas.

The mid-morning sun glistens off the lake's still surface. The shimmering light plays over his armour. He can't feel the warmth of the sun anymore. He can't feel anything. Not even emotions escape unscarred from what he went through.

Here, everything's soft…

He thinks those were the words. He doesn't know anymore. That was a lifetime ago. He doesn't even know that it ever happened. It didn't happen to Vader anyway. The weakling that preceded him might have muttered something to that effect. He looks around. Anybody who saw him would shy away, just like they do on the Star Destroyers; he looks terrifying. They can't see the tears. They don't know that there are injuries more painful than having your skin burnt off. To lose everything. To turn on them all for the sake of one person, and then lose her too.

It's all Obi-Wan's fault. He clings to that firmly. Perhaps he knows, somewhere in his mind, that it isn't really true. But he doesn't have to accept that fact anymore. He can make whatever truth he wants, scything down the reality he rejects with a lightsabre. He turns the handle of the Sith weapon over in his hands. He knows that it will never betray him.

In truth, he knows he should move on. But Anakin always knew what he should have done. He knew that he should have never married her in the first place. Now he knows he should leave this place behind, and never return, and let his love rot away slowly. But nobody's going to make him. He never has to leave her now. Obi-Wan can never take her away from him again.

He strokes her back with his durasteel hand. He lets himself relive the moment over and over. He doesn't have to accept that it's a twisted and vile perversion of everything good in the world. Nobody's going to tell him that. Nobody is ever going to tell him anything. He has what he wanted; power and freedom.

She flinches away, and looks up at him. Pathetic terror fills her eyes. Her lip trembles. She looks like a little child; innocent and lost. He knows that she doesn't recognise him. He would stroke her face, just like he used to, but that would just panic her even more. She crouches next to him, shying away from every sound. It all scares her. He wonders where she went for those few days. What she saw.

He succeeded, he notes bitterly. He swore that he wouldn't fail again. Not after his mother. He still dreams about her. The screams didn't stop when she died. He tortured himself with the memory, lost in guilt and resentment. And he didn't fail again. He conquered death. He became so powerful that he could stop people from dying. He clung on to his own life. Then he saved her. He saved her from death, and brought her back.

His love whimpers at his feet. He pulls her up as she instinctively squirms away. A silent tear rolls down her cheek. Perhaps he knows this is mere cruelty. But nobody's going to make him accept that. He looks in her eyes, and knows that it's his Padmé. He'll never let anybody take her away from him again. He doesn't repeat the words he once said to her. He hates the sound of his own voice now; it reminds him what he is. He ignores her sobs, and lets himself relive the moment they first came here, ignoring the hideous reflection he sees in her eyes.

He could never let go. Whether it was his anger or his passion, he could never walk away. But now he wants to. He hates hearing her cry. He knows it isn't Padmé. It's just a senseless dumb creature. A breath of life in her body. Vader has a moment of pity for her.

Anakin seizes it.

The blood stains her dress. Vader can't watch anymore. He walks away, and leaves her cold body on the balcony. He leaves everything behind. He leaves her, and she was all that was left of his humanity. He leaves behind his past. That's gone now, lying in its own blood. He leaves behind hope of redemption. She was everything good in him.

And he leaves behind Anakin, who will forever mourn his angel.


End file.
